The Dr. said, "I can't stop all the voices in your head".

So I pulled out an old CD, Courtney Love's America's Sweetheart. Why is it that every time I hear her music I feel like I have a mulitple personality disorder? I swear I was fine driving down the street but then I pop in the CD and all of a sudden I have a rage inside that gets calm but I want to fuck and fuck up everyone I see. I want to take my guitar and ram it up some kid's ass because he looked at me wrong and I'm better than he is! I want to throw myself on the ground and be homeless for a week. I want to cry on my ex boyfriend's/lover's shoulder than punch him in the face and tell him he was a worthless piece of shit. Wow......there's some subliminal messages out there on that CD. I feel like I wanna be a rock star and just tell everyone to fuck off.

The strange thing is that I can feel the anger, heart break and rejectiong she's going through in her music and I guess what I'm going through now I can somewhat relate.

"It's time that you and me had lots and lots of meaningless sex". Wow...that's a good one.

"I know I got a screw loose just meet me in the bedroom" Another good one and at least she admits it.

"I love the way your mouth fits mine; 1-800 he's so fine". I like it.

"Hey gabba gabba baby..." which I hear she took off a Ramones song but switched it around a bit.

She constantly yells stuff like "slut", "shut up" and "fuck you". Such anger Courtney.

I used to have a screen name on Yahoo called Gabbababy. I should try to use it again. I wonder if that account's still open.

She did have some good songs though. I think because she's so senile and unstable that everyone wants to scrutinize her and tell her she's bad and unfit for life. I don't know what her life was like in the past but everyone has a reason for their actions because of something that happened to them in their lifetime so I'm not here to judge. I liked her a lot when she was in Hole and I loved her solo project. In fact I wish she would come out with another album but I hear she's retiring because the music business sucks.

I feel like a Courtney Love today....yes, I said "a Courtney Love". I'm not saying I feel like her because I don't know what she feels like, but I'm saying I would feel like a courtney love because of her music and what I hear coming through her--anger, bitterness, heartache, slutty, and overall, don't give a fuck attitude.

Thanks Courtney. :)

I remember there was a time when you were getting yourself clean and you appeared on the cover of Vanity Fair. I bought like 3 issues of that magazine because you were in it and I love the photos they took of you. I hung them on my wall with admiration. I was a huge Courtney Love fan back in the day. I guess I can relate to you too because we're both Cancers. We know what it's like to leave our heart out there and when someone stomps all over them we want the sweetest revenge but only THINK about it because we're too nice to follow through--well, that's my reason anyway. They say you killed Kurt, but I know you didn't. He was a drug addict and things happen. I know in your own weird way you're a good mom, friend, lover, but it's your actions in the public that make you not seem so. Do I still think you're clean? Hell no, I'm not naive. I saw the dramatic weight lose, I see the circles under your eyes again, I see the way you carry yourself--you're definitely on something. But that's your life....and I'm cool with that. But you did give us some good music to listen to. :)

Thanks again.