We suffer when truth isn't told

OMG....why must he lie? Just tell it like it is and say what you really want and skip all the bullshit and things will be fine.

Let me explain my situation.....

So about a month and a half ago I met this guy. I wasn't really interested in him romantically but a friend out of it would have been cool.

One night he asked me out for coffee. I have two little ones so getting a little free time isn't always easy but I managed to pull this off and met him at the Starbucks down the street. We sat and talked and had a nice conversation; after about an hour we went our merry ways.

We would text each other every now and then and try to get together but like I said, I have kids so getting away isn't easy and especially not at a drop of a hat.

We set up a date to hang out for a night; maybe go shoot some pool or grab a bite to eat. So around 9 I show up at his house. When I get there he's standing outside his garage door looking somewhat bummed. He was mubbling something so as I got closer he looked at me and said, "you won't believe this?" Well, apparently he locked himself out of his house. Granted this IS possible but for some reason I got the feeling this WASN'T the case. I went along with the story and asked how he was going to get back in. For a minute I thought he was using this excuse to go back to my place to sleep--that wasn't happening. He said his other key was an hour and a half away at his friend's house and he didn't feel like driving all that way to get it. Well, I suggested that it is what it is and we can always go out and do our thing and then come back and deal with the situation. He ignored that completely! I suggested it again....still no acknowledge of it. All he did was act in agony and humiliation that he locked himself out of the house. Next thing I know he's closing the garage door with us still inside!! I was creeped out by this but stupid me just let it go. So we sit down trying to figure out what to do and I'm trying to console him telling him it's ok. Next thing I know he start kissing me and deep down I DID NOT want to do it, but I kissed back. Well...needless to say one thing led to another and it got heated. We didn't have protection so he went to the store to buy some; in the meantime he told me to pull the mattress out from the back (how convienant) and told me where a blanket was. So while he was off at the store there I was making our "room". He got back and yada-yada-yada (yeah, I said it....and we all know we skip good details when that's said :) Go Seinfeld!!). Well I just got out of a long relationship so this was the first person I slept with since and they sometimes say if you have sex with someone else that's usually a kick to get you back in the swing of dating again--well...not in my case. I still had feelings for my ex so I didn't really want to sleep with anyone, but I tried it....it didn't work. Well anyway, after that I asked him what his plans were and where he was gonna stay (still thinking that he's full of shit). He said he was going to go to a friend's house and stay there. I told him he better hurry because it was already 11:30. So we get dressed and out we go. I took off and was almost curious to swing back around 10 minutes after I left to see if he pulled back in his house....but I didn't. So that was my date with him.

Well we text each other off and on again and this time, I'm really not feeling him. I think he lied about the whole "locking the keys in the house" thing so I don't even want to meet up with him anymore.

My friend is trying to tell me that it CAN happen and I should give him another chance. So yesterday he calls wanting to meet for coffee again. I said ok but not that night tomorrow (today) and he said ok. So come 9 I show up at Starbucks waiting for him. I sit....and sit..and wait...and wait...nothing. I sit...and sit...and wait some more. Finally I call him and asks him where he's at. "Oh...I thought you were coming to my house" he say!! WTF!! Uh...nowhere did we say I was going to his house for coffee!! Thirty minutes has already passed by so I told him that I had to be home by 10 and I can only stay for a little while. He said ok. So anyway, I pull up and just walking in I'm looking around and whatdyaknow---NO COFFEE IS EVEN BEING MADE!!! We sit down on the couch to watch TV and I get a big hug from him and he pulls me on top of him saying how he missed me. He starts going for the back of the bra trying to unsnap it---yeah....this was a no-coffee date!! He had one intent and coffee wasn't it. I backed off and told him no and asked where my coffee was. Oh then he agreed to make it but by this time I had enough so I told him I had to go.

That was meet up #3.

He asked if I wanted to go out to the comedy club with him sometime in two weeks when he's done with his exams--uh...I'm gonna have to pass on that!!

This guy is done with!! I'm not interested in just having sex (with him) because....eh the sex wasn't even that good. So...I'm so over that!!

That was my night...had to blog about it....there ya have it!!

The Dr. said, "I can't stop all the voices in your head".

So I pulled out an old CD, Courtney Love's America's Sweetheart. Why is it that every time I hear her music I feel like I have a mulitple personality disorder? I swear I was fine driving down the street but then I pop in the CD and all of a sudden I have a rage inside that gets calm but I want to fuck and fuck up everyone I see. I want to take my guitar and ram it up some kid's ass because he looked at me wrong and I'm better than he is! I want to throw myself on the ground and be homeless for a week. I want to cry on my ex boyfriend's/lover's shoulder than punch him in the face and tell him he was a worthless piece of shit. Wow......there's some subliminal messages out there on that CD. I feel like I wanna be a rock star and just tell everyone to fuck off.

The strange thing is that I can feel the anger, heart break and rejectiong she's going through in her music and I guess what I'm going through now I can somewhat relate.

"It's time that you and me had lots and lots of meaningless sex". Wow...that's a good one.

"I know I got a screw loose just meet me in the bedroom" Another good one and at least she admits it.

"I love the way your mouth fits mine; 1-800 he's so fine". I like it.

"Hey gabba gabba baby..." which I hear she took off a Ramones song but switched it around a bit.

She constantly yells stuff like "slut", "shut up" and "fuck you". Such anger Courtney.

I used to have a screen name on Yahoo called Gabbababy. I should try to use it again. I wonder if that account's still open.

She did have some good songs though. I think because she's so senile and unstable that everyone wants to scrutinize her and tell her she's bad and unfit for life. I don't know what her life was like in the past but everyone has a reason for their actions because of something that happened to them in their lifetime so I'm not here to judge. I liked her a lot when she was in Hole and I loved her solo project. In fact I wish she would come out with another album but I hear she's retiring because the music business sucks.

I feel like a Courtney Love today....yes, I said "a Courtney Love". I'm not saying I feel like her because I don't know what she feels like, but I'm saying I would feel like a courtney love because of her music and what I hear coming through her--anger, bitterness, heartache, slutty, and overall, don't give a fuck attitude.

Thanks Courtney. :)

I remember there was a time when you were getting yourself clean and you appeared on the cover of Vanity Fair. I bought like 3 issues of that magazine because you were in it and I love the photos they took of you. I hung them on my wall with admiration. I was a huge Courtney Love fan back in the day. I guess I can relate to you too because we're both Cancers. We know what it's like to leave our heart out there and when someone stomps all over them we want the sweetest revenge but only THINK about it because we're too nice to follow through--well, that's my reason anyway. They say you killed Kurt, but I know you didn't. He was a drug addict and things happen. I know in your own weird way you're a good mom, friend, lover, but it's your actions in the public that make you not seem so. Do I still think you're clean? Hell no, I'm not naive. I saw the dramatic weight lose, I see the circles under your eyes again, I see the way you carry yourself--you're definitely on something. But that's your life....and I'm cool with that. But you did give us some good music to listen to. :)

Thanks again.